Tears of a Serpent
by Clever Fox
Summary: When his one source of happiness vanishes, Severus Snape falls into a torrent of despair - Is death his only escape route?


**Tears of a Serpent**   
  


by. Clever Fox   
  
  


* * *   
  


November 1, 1981::   


Severus Snape carefully examined a thin vial of bubbling potion. Hot bubbles surfaced to the top of the concoction and burst marvellously. His long, thin fingers ran down the side of the vial, a satisfied smile inching up the corners of his mouth. He put the stopper in place, then rested the vial on his desk.   


A soft knock suddenly sounded at the door of the nearly- empty potions classroom. With a swish of his robes, Severus answered the door.   


"Severus, I must have a word with you." Headmaster Dumbledore stood before him, his face creased with tired wrinkles.   


"Yes, of course." Severus ushered the Headmaster inside, and offered him a seat on one of the classroom stools.   


Dumbledore sat still, seemingly deep in thought. An air of gloom hovered above him, and the usual twinkle in his eyes was nowhere to be found. Severus found himself growing fearful with anxiety; it wasn't like Albus Dumbledore to look so distressed.   


"What is it you wished to discuss, Albus?" Severus urged, and Dumbledore nodded his head.   


"Severus, I assume you_ are_ aware that Voldemort is searching for the Potters, am I correct?" Severus nodded his head, though he cringed slightly at the mention of the Dark Lord's name. "I'm afraid... that I have no other choice but to deliver to you some unfortunate news."   


Severus' eyes widened in horror, and he gripped the edge of his desk, tightly. "Albus... you can't possibly mean..."   


Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "I'm afraid it is so, Severus. The news arrived just a short while ago. But... some good has also come of it."   


Severus' face had turned ashen, and his hand trembled violently. "What... could possibly be considered good in light of Lily's death?" he demanded almost angrily.   


"Severus, Voldemort has been defeated." Dumbledore spoke in a gentle tone, but Severus felt as though the old man were trying to torture him with his words.   


"Defeated how? And what does that have in connection to the Potters' death?"He couldn't bear to meet the stare of the wizened old Headmaster.   


"Lily died trying to save her son, Harry. You yourself are well aware of how much she loved that boy..." Dumbledore looked away for a moment. "Although Lily and James died fighting, Harry survived the curse, Severus. I cannot find a proper explanation nor can I even guess at this moment, but the curse apparently rebounded on Voldemort... This is wonderful news. I know how painful it is for you right now, but a great weight has been lifted from the entire wizarding world."   


But Severus was in no mood to celebrate the Dark Lord's defeat. Dumbledore's words simply flew past his ears and disappeared into oblivion. He buried his face in his hands, and sighed painfully. It was a sigh echoing from the very depths of his heart, and Dumbledore could too, feel the pain emitted from it.   


The two wizards sat in silence for what seemed to Severus an eternity. Severus ran his fingers down the side of the potion vial he had been working on earlier, and a sob almost escaped his throat. But he held it in. Like he always had.   


Dumbledore decided that his words of comfort wouldn't do anything for Severus, and finally rose from his seat.   


"I too, am crushed by the news, Severus. I express my deep regrets," he spoke quietly, then walked out of the classroom silently.   


Hours after the Headmaster had left, Severus didn't move from his seat. He felt numb all over, and the rest of the world didn't seem to exist. He continued to stare at a spot in the air in front of him, yet could see nothing.   


As he sat in silence, the weight of Dumbledore's news finally sank in, and a strangled sob escaped his throat. An enormous feeling of despair filled his heart, and it struggled to burst free. His hand suddenly closed around the vial of potion. Severus raised it above his head, and threw it at the classroom wall with all his might. A strangled scream of anger and misery burst from inside him, like a volcano erupting with terrific force.   


"WHY?!!"   


His scream bounced off the dark walls, and seemed to explode back at him. Severus Snape finally crumbled inside, and a hot tear slid from his eye. He collapsed into his chair, letting out a moan.   


* * *   


May 25, 1978::   


A young Severus Snape stared into the night sky, and sighed. Lily Evans looked at him curiously.   


"Are you ever going to tell me your reason for calling me out here?" she smiled slightly, tapping his shoulder.   


Severus inhaled deeply, and stared straight into her eyes. "Lily, I have a confession to make to you."   


Lily raised her eyebrows questioningly, and Severus couldn't help but notice how pretty her eyes were. To him, they looked like brilliant emeralds shining out against her mane of shimmering red hair. She noticed Severus' gaze, and fidgeted a bit. Severus quickly averted his line of vision.   


"Go on then. What is this confession you feel you need to make, Severus?"   


"Lily, you probably don't know this, but seeing you with James... has really been hard for me," Severus spoke solemnly, and Lily looked confused.   


"We've been going out for the past two years, and you know it too, Severus; what's the problem with that all of a sudden?"   


"It's not something that I've realized just now. It's been tearing me apart every single day for the last two years, Lily... Don't you realize? I'm in love with you, and I have been in love with you since our fourth year..."   


Lily simply stared at him in disbelief. "What... did you just say?"   


"You heard me clearly, Lily. I'm not joking; you know I never joke. I felt as though I had to tell you this before we parted." Severus stared at her intensely, and Lily's eyes filled with pain.   


"Severus... you know I'm to be engaged to James..." Lily faltered, looking sorry and sympathetic.   


"I know." Severus lowered his eyes, clenching his fists behind him. "I just needed to tell you to lift this weight from my shoulders."   


"Severus, I think you're a wonderful friend, and I'd never believe the word of anyone who tried to bad-mouth you. But... James is the only love of my life, and I don't think I could ever return your feelings..." Severus felt miserable, as Lily looked at him sympathetically.   


"I understand." His answer was short and reserved; he couldn't allow his emotions to get the better of him.   


But what he did next, was a surprise to even he, himself. As Lily gently rested her hand on his shoulder, he swooped forward and pressed his lips against hers. He started to kiss her hungrily, but stopped as soon as he felt her recoiling.   


The two broke apart, breathing heavily. Severus slowly recovered from the shock of what he had just done. Lily simply stared at him in horror.   


"How could you do that...?" Hurt was written all over her face, and a feeling of guilt sank down on Severus.   


"Lily... I'm so sorry," Severus said quickly, and reached for her hand. But Lily stepped away from him.   


"Please... don't ever try anything like that again, Severus. I am to marry James one day; I love him, and only him. I only want us to remain friends... and nothing more." Her tone was final, and Severus nodded.   


"I... must be going now," Lily said softly, then ran back to the castle. Severus watched her leave, feeling incredibly lonely. His sigh echoed through the night, and he threw his head back, drinking in the cool midnight air.   


* * *   


November 8, 1981::   


An air of celebration filled Hogwarts; everyone was celebrating the great defeat of the Dark Lord, and praising the extraordinary Harry Potter. Parties were held, and the air was filled with swarms of owls at all times of the day. Almost everyone in the wizarding world was in a festive mood, but Severus Snape had not left his office for six days straight.   


The rest of the Hogwarts faculty was beginning to worry greatly, but no one had yet ventured to bring him out of his solitude.   


Severus Snape spent that day, too, pacing his office. But this time, his pacing wasn't due only to depression. For a look of determination and finality rested upon his features. He muttered something to himself, and stared up, as if trying to remember something.   


Then, he pulled a thick book from his bookshelf, and opened it to a previously marked page. At the top of the yellowed page, written in loopy cursive, was the title_ "The Interitus Potion - Pour death itself into your vial"._   


He began to hurry about, collecting ingredients and adding them to the bubbling cauldron before him. The potion slowly turned darker in color, and bubbled fiercely. After all of the ingredients had been put in, Severus stood in front of the cauldron, and stared into the murky potion. It emitted a rancid smell, and Severus cringed.   


Nonetheless, he poured it into a silver goblet, and slowly brought it to his lips. The thick, black liquid shimmered and swirled inside the goblet. Severus felt a shadow of fear engulf him as he began to tip the goblet forward. He would soon end his misery forever...   


"Don't do it, Severus."   


Severus almost dropped the goblet in surprise. He instantly spun around, and his eyes widened.   


In front of him, stood the figure of Lily Potter herself.   


A light shimmered around her, enveloping her body in brilliance. Severus thought she looked just like an angel; even lovelier than she had been when they were young.   


"Don't end it like this, Severus. Please," Lily spoke sadly, her eyes glittering with tears.   


"Just let me go free," Severus replied, his eyes filled with awe, and yet, sorrow.   


"Death is not an escape route, Severus. It is our destination after the first stage of our lives has passed. And when this life is over; that is not for us to decide."   


"But I can't bear it anymore. I'd rather face whatever wrath Fate has waiting for me after life; after all, there's nothing left for me in this world," Severus spoke to her in despair, and tears poured down Lily's face.   


"Oh, but there is, Severus! There is the hope and joy of the entire wizarding world left, can't you see? And there is the need for someone brave to keep the peace here; that is what you must do!" Lily cried out, and Severus lowered his eyes.   


"I am a former Death Eater who betrayed his fellow supporters, Lily. I belong wholly to neither side of the war."   


"But you reformed, didn't you? You renounced your ways; it is never too late to repent your wrong doings." Lily smiled at him through tears.   


"But... I'll never find happiness. All those years spend searching for something, anything; they've all been spent for nothing. You were my only source of happiness, Lily. But now with you gone..." Severus could also feel tears sliding down his face. Lily stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his face. But Severus couldn't feel her touch, which tore his heart even more.   


"Please don't give up, Severus. If you were to give up now, I'd never be able to smile again," Lily whispered, and Severus closed his eyes.   


"But it's just too unbearable. Living this life; it's a hell in itself..."   


"Where has that crafty, yet brave Slytherin I used to know gone? You mustn't be weak, Severus. You overcame being a Death Eater and was brave enough to defy the Dark Lord; it'd be a tragedy to give in now."   


Severus remained silent. He felt frustrated, and sorrowful and even angry at the same time.   


"If you won't live for yourself, then live for me, Severus. Things will get better, I promise you," Lily assured him with a smile, and Severus slowly found himself nodding. "And... please watch over my dear Harry... I really hope you'll take to him like a father."   


Lily embraced Severus, and although he couldn't feel her with his body, he could feel the warmth of her love.   


"Must you go, Lily?" Severus asked sorrowfully, as they broke apart.   


"I'm afraid I can't stay here very long. But I'll always be watching over you," Lily said, then slowly began to fade away.   


"Farewell..." Severus called out, as the figure of his love faded and disappeared.   


He slowly sank to his knees, and stared numbly at the spot Lily had been standing in just a moment ago.   


Then, the goblet entered his line of vision. But Severus Snape no longer looked at it with a feeling of dread. He grabbed his wand, and quickly recited an incantation, instantly eliminating the death potion.   


Although he still couldn't find happiness or a feeling of hope, he was able to realize the childishness of his actions. Lily's life had ended, leaving him in despair, but his life was still waiting to be lived. And live it, he would.   


"Severus?" Severus looked up sharply, noticing that the door of his office was ajar. Behind it stood Dumbledore, staring at him intensely through his half-moon spectacles. "Quite sorry to disturb you, but the members of faculty simply insist you come up and celebrate. They seem to believe you've grieved enough."   


"Ah... well, I suppose I have, then. I'll be up in a moment, Albus," Severus replied, with a wistful smile on his face.   


"What a change of attitude, Severus! Has something I'm unaware of happened to you overnight?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes twinkling once more.   


"Not really... Just thought I'd get on with my life."   
  


FIN   
  


* * *   


Author's Note: I was actually planning to insert this bit into a long series I had been wanting to write. But I decided against starting that series; there was just no point to it. And thus, this scene has become an independent short story.^^   


Disclaimer: All characters and background belong to J.K. Rowling. No copyright infringement was intended. 


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